Sunday, April 20, 2014

Father Son Lessons

In exciting news, Gunner and I can say we are starting moments of positivity. These moments are few but do come bouncing on the exercise ball while I hold him in futile efforts to console him or just to give my wife a break, much to Gunner’s aggravation. It is in these moments that I have started to enjoy the banter between father and son.

1)      Gunner has been calm during soccer matches on television. Usually, after ten minutes of British accents, he even passes out asleep. I’m not sure if he gets that from his mother, who falls asleep immediate during any English Premier League match that isn’t Manchester United, or his father, who falls asleep immediately hearing Lady Mary or Thomas the Footman in Downton Abbey. Either way, I’ll take it for I get to tell him all about clubs and players, tactics and coaches, and of course moan about my poor Arsenal.
2)      I love to explain Gunner the “Wish Creed”. When I am holding him and he is calm but starting to show signs that he wants to start crying and wailing, I simply let him know that I “wish he would start crying.” This either amuses or confuses Gunner as it off prevents the wailing for a good little bit.
3)      I love explaining the good life he has and to enjoy it and not cry about it. He lounges around the house all day with zero responsibility. Others massage him, bathe him, dress him, and feed him without him having to lift a finger. And every 3-4 hours, he gets to eat, take a nap, pee and pooh with no restrictions and have someone else clean it up, and motorboat my wife’s breasts. Sounds like a pretty good setup to me.

4)      We also watch a ton of movies and TV shows where I explain to Gunner that if he doesn’t develop a sense of humor to enjoy Modern Family or the movie Role Models, we will have issues getting along. Also, it’s okay to enjoy Chrisley Knows Best even if you can’t explain why.

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