Saturday, April 5, 2014

The "Oh It Sucks" Phase

To quote a friend of ours who has recently gone through the fun of a newborn, “Oh it sucks but trust me, just when you think there is no way you can handle any more of this, it’s like God zaps down and it is gets so much easier all the sudden.”

We are definitely not at that point, treading agonizingly in the “Oh It Sucks” Phase. While it is nice to hear of this magical place of manageable child rearing, I see no silver lining or light down the tunnel. My wife loves to remind me it is coming though, probably to prevent me from booking a flight to the British Virgin Islands until the kid’s 1st birthday.

The “Oh It Sucks” phase is not a judgment or testament about our child but instead, the disappointment in the difficulty of determining our child’s needs. A lot of the time, there is just no rhyme or reason to the crying. He cries when hungry, feed him, he cries after. He cries when gassy, get it out, he cries after. He cries when his diaper is dirty, change it, he cries after. He cries when tired but refuses to sleep, cries when he is put down, cries when he is held, cries when room is too bright, cries when it is too dark, cries when my wife puts on any of the Real Housewives shows, and the list goes on of amazing reasons to be upset. Parenting in the “Oh It Sucks” phase is the seemingly futile attempt to console the Mission Impossible inconsolable baby. Whatever works once will never work a second time and when the idea stream starts running dry, oh it sucks.

My assumption is Gunner has colic. He meets the crying requirement but we aren’t the type of parents to diagnosis our child with anything. He can have a bone sticking out his arm and we won’t say it’s broken, “It’s just a sprain so rub some Robitussin on it and get on with it”. Colic is a son of a bitch. It is one of those things that God could’ve and should’ve left out of the master plan in creating the universe, like heart disease, cancer, and rape. Crying for the sake of crying doesn’t help anyone anytime ever so we can chalk this up as a miss from the Big Guy…sounds like he owes a “zap it’s all better” sometime real soon.

Doing what we got to do...watching the tele...napping out...


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