Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Unfortunate Side of Life

Everyone who has lost someone dear to them can tell you that the only good thing about the circle of life is the song by Elton John. A little over a year ago, my brother passed away from an undiagnosed heart disease at 32 years old. 3 months later, my other brother had his first child and 1 year after his passing, we had our first child…both boys Carter Christopher and Marc Gunner named to honor their wonderful uncle Marc Christopher Lundberg.

Monday was my brother’s birthday and to commemorate, we brought Gunner to the mausoleum for the first time to meet his namesake. While sitting there, watching my son rest next to my brother, it was the unfortunate reminder of how my brother will not be a part of raising my son. My brother was a role model to me in so many ways, always a couple steps higher on the ladder and it made me keep climbing. He kept me grounded when angry or frustrated, positive when discouraged or disheartened. I loved to stubbornly fail on my own, and fail often, but my brother was my safety net because he was the comfort in the attempt, always reassuring.

My father says we need to teach Gunner how amazing his uncle was, but it hurts to think about he won’t ever get to know Marc, revel in his jokes, bask in his laughter, find comfort in his smile…stories don’t change lives or inspire the way the presence of great people do and Gunner will never know that joy of what it is like to hang out with a truly genuine pleasant funny person. My brother was one of a kind and my son is really unfortunate…and that is a painful thought.

I admire those who turn to their faith but it doesn’t change the agony of an unexpected and unjust lost. And time doesn’t heal all wounds. One thing I can say for certain, whoever finds joy or comfort or wonderment in the notion that death brings forth new life has never lost someone close. It isn’t a marvel of nature or evolution, it’s a straight kick in the balls and spit in the face and it unluckily recurs every morning when you wake up and every night when you try to fall asleep. But life goes on so why not let Elton John sing about it.

Gunner's first visit to his Uncle...

And his first Game of Thrones (while he can be in the same room when its on)...

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