So
our “first” Mother’s Day has come and gone. I say “first” because we have
celebrated Mother’s Day with our dogs and cat since 2006 but this Mother’s Day
was our first with a human baby.
This
year has led me to believe ALL mothers deserve praise and appreciation, even if
just for child birth alone. But more so dealing with the constant crying and
sleeplessness, ALL mothers deserve a lot. Yes, even the psycho mothers. These
women deserve far more than any husband or boyfriend or baby daddy will ever be
able to provide through 1-800-Flowers or Godiva Chocolates or inappropriate R.
Kelly songs. These women deserve bi-partisan unilateral social reform that says
“Uncle Sam will help you now so make sure that baby doesn’t grow up to suck
later.” Let’s retool federal spending like Section 8, Social Security, Welfare,
and Food Stamps to pay for programs more beneficial to new mothers everywhere.
Some ideas are:
1) During pregnancy, all
mothers-to-be get prenatal vitamins and specialty coupons to eat healthy foods
like fish, fruits, and veggies. Also during pregnancy, they get coupons for
exercise classes, mani/pedis, and massages. Put this money back into the
economy in a way we all appreciate. Men will not argue this one. Trust me. Just
make the math line up.
2) Post birth, provide a
network of overnight nannys that either do home visits or even work at a hotel-like
facility where mothers can have sleep-full nights while the overnight shift is
covered by a loving, trusting nanny. These are federal employees, screened like
CIA agents not TSA workers, who give new mothers 1 or 2 days of sleep every
week. The quality of life on both parents will lead to improved work
performance and our Gross Domestic Product will benefit to help offset the program
costs.
I have been reading a wonderful book “Brain
Rules for Baby” by John Medina. It is full of wonderful scientifically backed
ways to promote a healthy stimulating environment for raising a baby. One
recurring theme is to avoid a lot of the negative stress a newborn baby brings
to new parents. I found it amazing how impactful (in a bad way) a baby changes
a marriage, any marriage, and all marriages. In our marriage, my wife and I use
humor to argue through any unhappiness and it works for us well. But not many
couples are so lucky and in these situations, the mother has the most to lose.
3) Create programs to
promote counseling and paternal involvement in parenting would help. No more
seed planting and moving on. Everyone suffers through a baby. And after a
certain number of kids, sterilize the parents please. We don’t need any more
Kardashians. Being a third child myself, I think 3 is a good cut off (after
having a kid, I’m really also a proponent of 1 and Done). 4 or more is just
selfish. If you can’t get it right by 3, stop trying. And if you think every
kid you have is a blessing, then your delusional mental state proves you’re an unfit
parent for 1 kid much less multiple children. This goes for men and women.
Safety first.
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