Is this Kindergarten or the Hunger Games?: Happy Mother's Day to All

So our “first” Mother’s Day has come and gone. I say “first” because we have celebrated Mother’s Day with our dogs and cat since 2006 but this Mother’s Day was our first with a human baby.

This year has led me to believe ALL mothers deserve praise and appreciation, even if just for child birth alone. But more so dealing with the constant crying and sleeplessness, ALL mothers deserve a lot. Yes, even the psycho mothers. These women deserve far more than any husband or boyfriend or baby daddy will ever be able to provide through 1-800-Flowers or Godiva Chocolates or inappropriate R. Kelly songs. These women deserve bi-partisan unilateral social reform that says “Uncle Sam will help you now so make sure that baby doesn’t grow up to suck later.” Let’s retool federal spending like Section 8, Social Security, Welfare, and Food Stamps to pay for programs more beneficial to new mothers everywhere. Some ideas are:

1) During pregnancy, all mothers-to-be get prenatal vitamins and specialty coupons to eat healthy foods like fish, fruits, and veggies. Also during pregnancy, they get coupons for exercise classes, mani/pedis, and massages. Put this money back into the economy in a way we all appreciate. Men will not argue this one. Trust me. Just make the math line up.

2) Post birth, provide a network of overnight nannys that either do home visits or even work at a hotel-like facility where mothers can have sleep-full nights while the overnight shift is covered by a loving, trusting nanny. These are federal employees, screened like CIA agents not TSA workers, who give new mothers 1 or 2 days of sleep every week. The quality of life on both parents will lead to improved work performance and our Gross Domestic Product will benefit to help offset the program costs.

I have been reading a wonderful book “Brain Rules for Baby” by John Medina. It is full of wonderful scientifically backed ways to promote a healthy stimulating environment for raising a baby. One recurring theme is to avoid a lot of the negative stress a newborn baby brings to new parents. I found it amazing how impactful (in a bad way) a baby changes a marriage, any marriage, and all marriages. In our marriage, my wife and I use humor to argue through any unhappiness and it works for us well. But not many couples are so lucky and in these situations, the mother has the most to lose.

3) Create programs to promote counseling and paternal involvement in parenting would help. No more seed planting and moving on. Everyone suffers through a baby. And after a certain number of kids, sterilize the parents please. We don’t need any more Kardashians. Being a third child myself, I think 3 is a good cut off (after having a kid, I’m really also a proponent of 1 and Done). 4 or more is just selfish. If you can’t get it right by 3, stop trying. And if you think every kid you have is a blessing, then your delusional mental state proves you’re an unfit parent for 1 kid much less multiple children. This goes for men and women. Safety first.

Time to have a backbone America and give a helping hand to the wonderful ladies that endure a lot to ensure our nation has a solid generation to always grow on.

To the most amazing mom....