Sunday, February 21, 2016

Oh the Dread....

Once again, I have gone longer than desired with releasing a new post. It is been 2 months. While I would like to attribute it to the time constraints of my loving, attentive, and constantly thorough parenting, truth is when the kid goes to bed and you find great new shows on Netflix like Sherlock and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, blog posting just gets pushed to the back burner. But nonetheless, I have returned with more tales from the Adventures of Parenting our boy Gunner.

So with a son only a few short weeks from turning 2 years old, my wife and I decided to start one of the biggest adventures possible....potty training. Yes, you heard that right, potty training. Officially we began at 22 months old. Why? No clue really. It was Martin Luther King holiday weekend so maybe the sense of liberty and equality for all mankind inspired us to liberate our son from injustice and brutality of diapers and buttcreams. It certainly was not because he showed any signs of being ready, oh no. He couldn't say "pee pee" or "poo poo", can't pull his pants, shorts, or underwear down, can't even notice the urge when he needs to go. So naturally, when my wife said we should start potty training, I replied with, "oh hell no."

But of course, we started the training. Practical common sense steps for going potty: 1) feel the urge and tell us, 2) hold it until get to a toilet, 3) remove over garments, 4) release. Focus is to master the 4 steps before the house smells of more urine and feces than a homeless new year's eve party. So where did we begin? Simple. Self Assessment; and Gunner was only the master of step 4. In fact, he was so bad at steps 1 through 3 that we debated whether to remove all furniture from the living room/playroom. We ended up only removing the rugs temporarily. We put a potty in the living room/play room to help with step 2. We went completely bare-ass all day to help with step 3.  Then we focused on taking Gunner to the potty every 30 minutes to an hour to get him used to feeling the urging and associating peeing and pooing on the potty so he can hold it until he got there. And with a some good old Pavlov dog style positive reinforcement, we were on our way.

Day 1: Gunner peed on the floor 4 times. But in the potty, he peed 4 times and poohed once. The early days were like that but progress was made. We moved from bare-ass to underwear after a week. And while we still have the small kids potty in the living room/playroom for quick releases, if we prompt him to potty, we hold him over the adult toilet.  The cleanup there is infinitely better. Also, while Gunner still stinks at steps 1 and 3, he has become really good at steps 2 and 4. So as long as we are taking him to the potty regularly, he has many accident free days.

Proudly, in the month of our training so far, we have only had 2 pooh accidents (knock on wood). Unfortunately, the pee accidents, while are only small squirts, are still more common than we would prefer. Also, he doesn't tell us as much as I would prefer so I have to watch him like a court room juror at a murder trail watching the accused during testimony for even the slightest sign of guilt. That can be exhausting. It is more fun playing with your child without looking at his crouch and buttcrack for stains every 15 minutes. But that's the life of a potty training parent.You're a guard on watch. Get lazy and they'll piss all over you.....literally.

He's a quick learner. "If I'm going to be awhile...."
22 Months. Our Boy is Growing Up....